Currently Listening Mr. A-Z By Jason Mraz see related

fall 2006 = new justine?

so i went to a party on saturday... and it was with a group of people i honestly didn't hang out with much... actually, it was the first time i had spent longer than 5 minutes with them ever!

well, first we went to go watch the football game @ bu.  not bad ~ we won... but i really wasn't paying attention to the game... i was amazed at how great i got along with everyone that was there... i felt like i fit in somehow... like i wasn't just on the outside of this little group of friends...

then we got to my friend's apartment, since that's where the party was... well, people started to drink, but i didnt (along with a couple others)... that's when i started to notice a change... the girls became more outgoing, and MUCH louder and crazier than me, and i felt myself flying towards the walls... i felt pretty out of place, but at the same time, i was enjoying watching how 'the other world' lives... on one hand, i felt like a loser ~ i kept thinking "i'm not one of them" "i'm not cool enough to be here"... but the other half realized that these were my friends.  no, they're not my best friends, but i WAS invited, right?  and people WERE still hanging out with me... and hey! i even got a lot of hugs from one guy and a mini massage from another...

the whole night actually got me thinking though... i'm supposed to be learning to move on.  i've already decided that i'm not going to get into another relationship, but i'm going to go out and have as much fun as i can while i'm still in college.  but the conclusion i came up with as i drove away from the apartments was that the girls who were drinking and dancing... THEY were having fun... i was quiet and kept to myself, and i was not the life of the party [i enjoy the attention generally].... am i doing something wrong?  if i don't change and conform to the 'norms' of the party scene, will i really just become a face in the crowd?  will i end up getting 'the nice guys', the 'relationship' guys?  i don't WANT a relationship... i want to have fun... but if i'm the more 'mature, conservative' type, won't that only attract the 'mature, conservative' type of guys??

:ugh: i think too much. that's why i can't have fun.

Currently Reading Star: A Novel By Pamela Anderson see related

so i guess since i'm back on xanga, i might as start using it, huh?

it's funny because lately i've been in such a 'journalist' mood that i've been writing in all my journals -- i have two online and one computer program [Advanced Diary] and now there's xanga again... i use my myspace one mainly for quotes, and the other online one and my AD for more 'perspectives on life' type of stuff... i don't give out the name or host for my other journal because it's got a LOT of detailed information in there... i guess i wanted to put it out onto the internet hoping to get advice from people who DON'T know my complicated drama and the people in it. i wanted fair judgments... but i ended up disabling comments and i just use it for my own personal use. why don't i delete it then? not sure... but i still write in it - a lot...

but the real question now is what will i use my xanga for? i think i'll use this one for photoblogs... it seems like the other most popular use for a blog...  hope you guys like the pictures i'll be posting soon!

till then, good night ~ i've got a 9-5pm shift tomorrow.  gotta love work.

Currently Listening Almost Honest By Josh Kelley see related

ah. and she's alive...

all thanks to ellyn.

okay before everyone thinks im still all emo and whatnot [since i havent updated in a while]....

i couLdn't be any happier!

and i'll just leave it at that.